I am scared of spiders since I was a little girl. Generally I know that they cannot hurt me, but they are still terrifying. Shame on me. Almost thirty years old woman, mother of two, wife of Egyptian.
I wasn’t afraid to stand up to the whole world to marry my husband. Leave my homeland and go to live in unknown country. With Arabian man. One of those, who “beat them wives, abuse them, hide their passports, kidnap their children”. I trusted my Egyptian husband and believed he would never hurt me.
And now I’m afraid of Egyptian men. Walking in the street without a reason.
Have you seen the Egyptian movie 678 ? There was a woman there who went to a football game with her husband. After the game ended, the spouses were separated. The wife was pulled a few meters further and was molested by a group of men. Surrender by a crowd of people. No one reacted. And what do I hear? “Why did she go there? She asked for what happen to her “O_o
For rape ?! She asked to be raped? How’s that ?!
“She’s an Egyptian. She lives in Egypt since she was born. She knows Egyptian men. Access to sex is limited, and the needs of local guys with their temperament and spicy food … If she does not want to be raped she should not go to a place where there is a crowd of horny men ”
In the morning I saw a man. Egyptian. From the group of people walking on a street for no reason. The moment I noticed him, he was just standing there. But when I went to his side of the street he start to walk towards me. He even said something, but I do not know what exactly. I started to walk faster because there is a tourist police the begin of Mamsha, so I hoped there would be someone there. Someone except us.
The street light changed to green, so there was a line of cars right next to us. Good sign. I walked down the street.
And what was I really afraid of? After all, not that he’s going to kill me, or rape me, because the conditions were definitely not good enough. I was most terrified by my hair, flying with the wind. And tight shirt. I was afraid he would come and touch me. Isn’t that irrational fear?
I would not leave him alone, I would not have escaped if it had happened. I would try to kill this mf*, even if probably I couldn’t hurt him at all. The problem is that if he touched me, I will not get back that feeling that it is my body and I have full control over it.
He did not come to me. He stopped in front of Mamsha. When I was coming back, I tried to see if he is still there. It was the only way home. I wonder what to do with my irrational fear of going there. Instead of a man I saw a woman selling newspapers. Dressed in a black burka. Black shoes, socks, gloves. I passed by. Wearing the top with short sleeves. With my hair flying with the wind.
I’m afraid that if something had happen, they would say it was my fault. That I provoked him by looking down. With my European look or trousers by the knee. I’m afraid they would say “why did you go out in the morning for bread? Did you not know that the streets are empty at this time? ” And yet I knew.
When the Egyptian man approached me asking “you do sex? I take viagra” on Friday afternoon I also knew it was time to pray and the streets would be empty. I especially chose this moment because in advanced pregnancy I preferred to go out in the time when there were fewer cars in the streets because of the two years old who was with me.
I know that it could happen anywhere. Everywhere. But it is really terrible that woman can be still found guilty of being raped.